Shakespeare 2006

During one of my summer school sessions, I worked with two 9th graders from Kingston, NY, who I'll call "James" and "Kyle." The boys were assigned to put one of Shakespeare's sonnets into their own contemporary language. Shakespeare's sonnet and the...er... modern interpretation follow:

Sonnet 130

MY mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,	5
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:	10
I grant I never saw a goddess go,—
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

(9th Graders' Modern Interpretation*)

My girls eyes aren't bright like the sun
Her lips look like the ashes that come from a blunt
If snow is white why is her breasts mad black.
Hairs tangled like cable wires like trying
to find a way through a brain on crack.
I've seen torn apart roses red and white
Then I look at her cheeks the comparison is
like she got stalled on in a fight.
And in some perfumes is the more delight
its like some exocist junk when she breathe
you lose your sight
She talks a lot to much to ignore so
I put on da music because talking to
her is like doing your chores
She walks like a monster
this must be a mistake
I thought she walks straight
But people think she from The Planet
of Apes.
It must be god because this love
you cannot find this must be what
they mean when they say love is blind.

*Original spelling, punctuation, and grammar retained.